2: the morning after

“Ughh.” – me, 6:01 a.m., 12/7/2016

Right before I woke up this morning, I was in the best mood. I was dreaming about dancing, and this really feel-good song was jamming on an old-timey radio.

Even after my slumber was abruptly interrupted by an alarm that I foolishly set for 6 a.m., that lingering, post-dream euphoria stayed with me.

Then, as it fizzled out and my brain started to transition further into its waking state, I started to wrap my mind around the day. I had been up rather late publishing my first blog post.

I had committed, quite publicly, to a full year of daily posts on this blog.

Instantly, a new flood of emotions came crashing in.

Fear. Doubt. Anxiety. I had been awake for mere minutes and I was already convinced I wouldn’t be able to come up with a topic for today’s post.

So I did what I very typically do first thing in the morning: Lay in bed and sank into the comfortable glow of my iPhone.

I have cleverly armed myself with a vast arsenal of social media apps to tap through as a part of my morning routine, which sometimes helps me to avoid starting my day for nearly an entire extra hour. I watch a few Snap stories. Scroll through Insta and mindlessly like a few photos. Hop on Facebook to see how many DAPL & Trump stories have popped up since the night before.

And I hate that I do this, but it’s become habitual. It’s hard to shake the urge. It’s at once therapeutic and stressful to escape into the digital world while consciously wasting time that I could be stretching, meditating, cooking a full breakfast…

Writing, maybe.

So that’s part of what motivated me to start a daily blog. I’m craving a new kind of habit, a box I can check off every day and feel accomplished, not lazy.

Yesterday’s post begged the question – how do I define myself? Who do I think I am?

But there’s another question that I’ve been asking myself today that I think I like better:

Who do I think I can become?

I see this project as an opportunity for growth and change.

How I have chosen to define myself in the past isn’t entirely relevant to how I should define myself now and moving forward. I want to capture and hold onto the idea that I can be whatever I want to be.

So with that said, I have come up with a few goals in mind as I write this blog.

For one thing, I want to find my voice. I recognize that there’s nothing special or difficult about starting a blog. I’m one of millions who’ve done so. A blip of noise in an oversaturated media landscape. In time, I hope to distinguish myself.

I want to create something I’m proud of. To feel good about what I’m building and for it to resonate with others. Hopefully together we can share some good ideas.

But most importantly, I want to change my behavior. This is the biggie. A new creative work every day has not ever been a part of who I am. But it is something I think I can learn how to do.

So yeah, I’m anticipating a struggle. This morning was more than likely not the last time I’ll groan and get worked up about my daily post.

But I’ve also got a lot of great ideas, thanks in large part to the supportive audience who, immediately after my first post landed, began to keep me accountable.

Thanks for being here. See you tomorrow.

~ Nick

2 Replies to “2: the morning after”

  1. you are in very good company, and have chosen a great method of both improving writing, and changing behavior…

    tom roue joined an online songwriter community whose members committed to writing a song a week, from a randomly assigned prompt, and posting it to the group. PBG now has at least three songs on its regular set list that were products of that process.
    one of my favorite poets is one I discoversed on FB, from her “poem a day” series she posted, as a disciplinary exercise she put on herself.
    another world touring musician wrote and posted a song a day for a year, including guitar and lyrics.
    Johndolly has been a member of a songwriter group that writes a song a month, again, from an outside prompt. some of the songs are truly amazing and beautiful.
    did i read or hear every song or poem or lyric sheet from these four, for a year? no.
    but it was never done for me, or for anyone else in the audience. it was for the artist, and for the people who happened to read or hear whatever selections they happened to catch, on those particular days they did. and most had really favorable comments and feedback, so there were many positive, helpful, uplifting connections given to strangers and friends, alike.
    to say nothing of the help it gave the artists, too, working thru various life transitions, good and bad, tough and easy.

    1. Something I’m also grappling with – I put far too much thought into what others might like to read. I want to pivot more towards writing what I might like to write, instead.

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