27: standing in my own way

I’ll cut right to the chase.

I had a rough day, emotionally speaking. And I really don’t feel like getting into why.

Admittedly, one of the toughest things about a daily post is to avoid making these look and sound too much like diary entries. The temptation is certainly there to just spill my guts onto a page and ship it off into cyberspace.

But not every thought I have is one which I’d like to publicly express, and there are days on which I would prefer not to post at all and to just create something more personal like an actual diary entry that I never end up sharing with anyone but myself.

Or, as was the case this evening, there are days in which I get home and just wish to shut out all of the negative feelings that have plagued me all day and to curl up in my bed and sleep.

And, for the last hour, that’s what I’ve done – laid here with my eyes closed, laptop open to a blank word document, processing the day and slowly allowing my brain to shut down.

I made a commitment to myself to create a new post every single day for a full year. And I am constantly reevaluating that plan. There may come a day when that commitment has to change. But for now, I want to adhere to the standard I set for myself.

Even on a day when I feel as though writing and expressing myself are the farthest thing from what I’d like to be doing, I want to do it anyway.

It may not be pretty, or deep and meaningful, or even very long.

But I want to keep my promise to create, and not let my own mind become a barrier.

If I let every bad day shut me down, become an excuse not to have to produce something, then this daily writing goal would quickly become unattainable.

So tonight, that’s all I have to say. I just wanted to prove to myself that I can overcome, and hopefully in the future I can use my negativity to fuel creativity.

Or, better yet, perhaps I can take that energy and reverse it into more positive vibes.

Just another part of myself to work on.

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