35: uninspired

For the third night in a row, I find the clock winding down to midnight, and my blog still isn’t done.

Heck, I’m only on the second sentence.

Every night this week, I have found myself awake far too late, dozing off sitting up in bed with my computer in my lap, struggling to conjure up a topic.

I hate doing this, but repeatedly I have put off writing longer and longer, telling myself that inspiration will strike at some point and I’ll come up with something to write about.

It’s 11:11, and I’m still wishing for that something. Inspiration never came.

It doesn’t help that my days have all been more or less exactly the same this week. I wake up, go to work, come home, decompress for a couple hours, and pass out. I’ve had very little time to pursue anything novel or interesting by the time I have to write another post.

The monotony is maddening.

I hate being stuck on a loop like this. My job is boring, and there are so many things I’d rather be doing with my time. I haven’t worked out in ages. I haven’t put a dent in my reading list. I haven’t been sleeping enough.

But above all of that, I still feel obligated to get these thoughts out there. I feel like I have nothing to say, but I’m watching the word count tick up slowly.

This whole post feels like I’m cheating the system. Rambling to get to 500 words. Have you caught on, yet? You’re still with me, so probably not.

When I started this blog over a month ago,, I knew that it would be difficult to post every single day. I thought I wouldn’t have the time. Sometimes I truly don’t, given the number of days I’ve already skipped.

But I didn’t fully consider the difficulty of maintaining daily inspiration and creativity. One of my biggest worries is that too many of these posts sound the same.

I don’t want to run the risk of sounding too much like I’m complaining all of the time, or as if this is just some digital diary.

I want my audience to get a glimpse inside of my head, to get to know me better and more fully understand the ways in which my mind operates.

But I don’t want to run the risk of sounding like a broken record – I want the topics I blog about to capture your interest. So uninspired nights like tonight are thoroughly disappointing to me as an author.

Despite all of that, I still seem to have a few regular readers, and for that I’m grateful. It’s knowing that my voice doesn’t go unheard that prompts me to continue talking.

Even when the words that come out don’t feel like they mean much at all.

See you tomorrow. Hopefully then I’ll have something to say.

Peace.

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